With the anniversary now behind us, I am in the middle of reading a book called Choosing to See. This is a book that is written by famous Christian musician, Steven Curtis Chapman’s wife. They have a very tragic story of their own, and eerily similar in certain ways to ours.
On the day after our accident, I went to the Dr. to get some medication. I had to tell them over the phone why I needed help immediately, because if not there was no urgency to getting an appointment. When I got to a room, a woman whom I had spoken with on the phone greeted me, and she gave me a computer printout in an envelope. She told me that when I was ready I should read the story as it was an accident like ours. I tucked the envelope in my purse, and it would be months before I would pull it out.
One day, back in March 2015, I found myself so lost and so desperate to speak to anyone who could possibly know what it would be like to run over a child and kill him or her. There are not many resources for people in this situation, and linking up with them felt nearly impossible. I had read the pages in the envelope and did some online research about their story. It was the story of Christian musician, Steven Curtis Chapman, his wife Mary Beth and the loss of their daughter, Maria. Maria was accidently ran over by her brother. I found that they had started an organization prior to Maria’s passing to help families with adopting children. I reached out to them through their website asking if there was any way that I could speak to their son. I needed to talk to someone who knew some of what I was feeling, and who had made it through something like this before (Yes, this is how desperate I was). Despite my desperation, they said, “no”, very nicely. I was mailed a signed copy of Steven’s newest CD, and a book written by Mary Beth Chapman called, Choosing to See. It arrived in late March through the mail. The book went on my shelf, and I never opened it until two weeks ago, just a few days before the dreadful anniversary.
During our trip to Los Angeles, I read the book a lot on the plane. I got extremely emotional during some of it, but it has also changed me. Just as many things have during this extraordinary journey, I know for some reason, God never meant for me to read this book until now. I do not think I could have gotten out of it what I needed to until now. My faith has grown tremendously over the last 12 months, but this book has helped it grow even more.
Although I am not finished reading it yet, as I am still trying to get back in the swing of my life, I find myself thinking about many things. The most important, is what I hope to give back with our book, Life of an Angel. Steven and Mary Beth were both extremely spiritual growing up, and throughout their whole lives. Although I could not relate to this
necessarily, it was very interesting how much of it that I could relate to. Just because they were spiritual people before their accident, did not mean that us as readers did not get to see their faith grow even further through this time of their lives.
During someone’s darkest day, I pray that by picking up our book there may be some comfort in desperation. Even if it is several months after they feel so lost, maybe then, they will, Choose to See. God is always there, if you just look.