God you give and take away. You give and you take away.
But my heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name.
~Matt Redman Song: Blessed Be Your Name
Sunday was a very special day for me internally. For those of you who do not know why, it is because it was my Baptism. I had never been Baptized as a child, nor really even knew what it meant until this year. When I first learned there would be Baptisms done on July 19th at my church, I immediately knew I wanted to do it. It felt so right for me at this time in my life. I have spent the last ten months building a relationship with God. I did not take time to consider who could be there for me, or who would not be. I knew it was something that I wanted to do regardless.
I woke up on Sunday with a lot of emotion. I did not expect it to be this way, but I realized it was a VERY big day for me, and that I would be going to church alone. My husband was away for a bachelor party all weekend. My family lives in Eastern Washington, and my in-laws were watching my children. I looked in the mirror as I was getting ready, some tears in my eyes and I just prayed for some insight into some of what I have been going through. I asked for some change, some peace, some sort of sign that the Baptism was going to light a fire inside of me and make me a better person. I asked for something significant to happen, whether it a feeling or something that happens that is unique and special. I wanted something that would let me know that I am on the right path in this journey, and this crazy new life I call mine.
I decided to drive to the cemetery before Church and visit Rowyn. I had just enough time to cut her some beautiful white Hydrangeas I had growing and take them out there. As I pulled into Forest Grove Cemetery, a place where I have some of the worst memories of my life, I cleared my throat and prepared myself. I pulled in and I left my car running given the limited time I had. I walked over to her and I immediately saw it. Another face just below hers, another life was there. It was a little brown bunny rabbit, sitting on her headstone. I knew right away, this was my sign. I practically ran back to my car to get my phone to take a picture. I was grinning, I was crying, and I was saying aloud…. ROWYN, how do you do this? I thought for sure I was not going to get the picture because of the loud car, but instead she did not move. In fact, I sat down beside her, and kept seeing Rowyn’s bright smile on her headstone. I felt so peaceful there, and brave for some reason. I reached down and picked up this bunny. Was it wild? I have no idea, and I have no idea why I thought it would let me pick it up but I did it. And as it turned out, it was perfectly okay with me picking it up. I held it and I petted it, I took my picture with it. Just in awe. The sign I wanted and needed was right here in the most difficult place for me to go.
It was a bunny finding refuge with Rowyn.
It chose her stone out of all the other stones in the entire cemetery. It chose her! The symbolism……Just as God chose me. Out of everyone, he chose to put this in MY life. So I could find HIM, and I could help lead others to him.
I have found refuge in God.
I knew it already, but this was God showing me myself one more time, just before I committed my life to him.
Before leaving of course, I sent a text to Brynn to tell her. I asked her if she wanted me to bring the bunny to her, (I didn’t know what to do with this little bunny), but she said no. I put it down, snapped a couple more pictures and drove to church, crying the whole way. I called my dear friend Becka, who was on her way to church for my Baptism to tell her. I walked into church, and immediately went to my pastor with the photos and my story. I told him I was getting baptized, and he said he did not know I was going to do it. I told him that my husband was not going to be there but I wanted to anyways. He offered to do it next week, but I declined. This was the day, and nothing could take the specialness out of it for me. I feel overcome with peace and sincerity in my heart and soul since Sunday July 19, 2015. Forever changed, forever a Christian.